Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you still have your period?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
