youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
