I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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