I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
