you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
