Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
