She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
