i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
