Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Damn victory sex feels great
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
