i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
