Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
