Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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