You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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