Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
