don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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