I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
