He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
