I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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