even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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