a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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