hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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