Don't make out with my wife yet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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