I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
