A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
