Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
