The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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