I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
