I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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