Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
