The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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