About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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