margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
