i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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