i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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