I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Someone signed my nipple.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
