Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
