we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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