About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
