I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
