Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
