i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
