y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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