my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
