the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
