Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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