So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
