Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
