If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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