Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
