Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
