Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
