I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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