would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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