he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
