Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I FOUND THE LEGS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
