finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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